Hollywood Giveth and Hollywood Taketh Away.

Life is funny. A week ago, I saw a movie that literally took my breath away and restored my faith in cinema. Then this weekend, against my better judgement and ignoring the warnings of those in the know, I went to see another film. That one brutally reminded me of all that is wrong with this thing we call Hollywood.

First, the good film: “21 Grams”. I went to see this one with some close friends at a little art house in Encino on a Saturday night. The place was packed front to back, and I think the average age of the patrons had to be in the mid-to-late 30’s. It was a tiny theater (I overheard one guy say “my TV is bigger than that screen!”), but the audience was knowledgeable and appreciative. More to the point, however, is that the movie was so engaging that the theater itself quickly shrank in significance. I was transported into the story; I was no longer in Encino.

Now for the bad film: “Torque”. I checked this one out on a whim after work one day, catching an early evening discount showing in Glendale. I went in expecting the worst and was surprised that it was even worse than I expected. This film was screened in a very large theater. The screen had to be 100 feet wide, and the joint had something like 500 seats. Yet there were maybe 6 people in the place. Oh well, room to stretch out…

“21 Grams” featured everything one might want in a movie: a compelling storyline that progresses in an unpredictable fashion; attractive young actors at the top of their game; a risk-taking director that actually has something to say besides “show me the money”. And Hollywood (and by “Hollywood” I mean the major studios that control American cinema) saw fit to shunt this fine film off to the netherlands of little bitty art houses, to duke it out with all of the other so-called “independent” films. One wonderful fact of life is that good films somehow seem to find their audiences, if given half a chance.

“Torque” was jam-packed with all of the ingredients that any formula action film should have: lots of action, lots of gratuitous cheesecake (and beefcake), lots of special effects, and little to no plot. Let me make it plain here: this movie sucked. This was one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen, and that includes “Biker Boyz” and “Bad Boys 1 & 2”, and that’s saying A LOT.

You’re not going to see this, so I’m gonna give it away right now: Here’s what it was about: NOTHING.

This guy comes into some hick town in the desert…apparently he’s been away. Whatever. He looks up this chick he left behind. So what. Some people are pissed at him. He’s wanted by the FBI. The chick stays mad at him for about 30 seconds. Some people fight. One guy gets killed. A few chase scenes, a few shootouts. The guy and the chick ride off into the sunset (literally!) The end.

I was pissed that I even paid the evening discount price for this garbage.

I’m not going to give away “21 Grams” because I think most film lovers should see this flick. I will tell you that Sean Penn and Naomi Watts and Benicio Del Toro do FANTASTIC jobs and make this film most watchable. Sean and Naomi have great chemistry together, especially considering the twists of the plot. The basic story is this: Sean is a Math professor with a bad heart. He’s on the transplant waiting list, and it’s looking like he won’t make it. Naomi is a happily married mother of two beautiful girls. Benicio is an ex-con on the mend who apparently has trouble driving his big 4x4 truck. ‘Nuff said.

What’s really funny (in retrospect, of course) is that BOTH movies will move you to tears.

I’m not finished ragging on “Torque” (sounds like “Fork” as in “we got your money, hahaha….FORK YOU!”): action movies often require a certain suspension of belief on the part of the audience. In order to fully enjoy the movie, the viewer must be willing to engage in fantasy. “The Lord of the Rings” does not operate in our everyday universe, but we’re usually willing to go there with the filmmaker as long as there is SOME type of parallel with the reality that we live in. “Fork” is no different, but man, do they ask a lot of the viewer. Really, the movie insists that you are okay with the following concepts:

1) Speeding motorcycles generate shockwaves that can cause cars to spin out.
2) Motorcycles, in the hands of skilled operators, are able to stand on one wheel like horses, and pivot as the pilot desires.
3) San Bernadino Sherriffs will NOT immediately beat down belligerent black motorcycle gang members who give them attitude at the scene of a murder.
4) It’s okay to carry a loaded gun without a carry permit. Or, everyone has a carry permit.
5) If you abruptly abandon your longtime girlfriend and then come back 6 months later, she will not only take you back within 5 minutes, she’ll sleep with you in 15 minutes, even though you are wearing the same nasty leather pants and dirty t-shirt you were wearing when you left. In fact, those are all the clothes you own.
6) The FBI will allow a 28-year-old “special agent” to wear thrift store suits and Converse sneakers…and give him a Hummer H2 with custom wheels. Just because.
7) The same agent will kill (or attempt to kill) his partner over $1million worth of drugs.
8) The same agent will “forget” that his partner wears a bulletproof vest. Right.
9) It’s possible to ride a motorcycle at over 160 mph WITHOUT a helmet or goggles and STILL BE ABLE TO SEE.
10) People can have normal conversations while riding, even though they are wearing full-face helmets, their bikes have loud exhaust systems and people are shooting at them.
11) All black motorcycle gang members intrinsically hate all white people. Again, just because.

Just because WHAT? Just because this film was made by extremely lazy, opportunistic filmmakers who care not one whit about motorcycles or racial relations or even making a good movie. They just wanted to get paid. Voila.

Meanwhile, I don’t know the deal, but I would be willing to bet that Sean and Naomi and Benicio willingly cut their pay in order to make “21 Grams”. And it’s going to pay off for them in more ways than just filling their mutual funds. There’s talk of an Oscar for Ms. Watts. And that’s another column altogether.

More later…
Paul